The Art of Letting Go: How Women Over 50 Can Stop Carrying Emotional Baggage Into New Chapters

By Dagmar Kusiak | Dating & Relationship Coach

There’s a quiet heaviness women over 50 carry but rarely talk about

You’ve raised children, held careers together, survived breakups, maybe even buried parents. Life didn’t stop, and neither did you.

But just because you kept going doesn’t mean you had space to process what it all left behind.

You might notice it now in quieter moments: that persistent inner dialogue, old regrets, or the way certain memories still sting. That’s the emotional residue of experiences that were never fully processed. And the truth is, many women don’t even realize they’re carrying it.

This is what I call emotional baggage. Sometimes it comes from relationships that ended in betrayal or abandonment. Other times, it’s childhood wounds that were never named. It can be something like, “I’m not enough.” and even though the people involved may even be long gone the weight remains with us.

The effect of this shows up in different ways as some women struggle with trust. Others shut down during conflict. Many don’t know what their needs even are, because they’ve spent years ignoring them.

I see it in body image struggles, in perfectionism, in the pressure to be everything for everyone, overgiving, people-pleasing, or staying quiet to avoid rocking the boat.

But why do we hold on, even when we know it’s hurting us? We do that because it is familiar and the familiar feels safer than the unknown.

And letting go can feel like giving up control, facing shame, and admitting that some things didn’t turn out the way we hoped.

For women over 50, it feels especially heavy. You may feel like you've spent decades trying to get it right but letting go allows you to face the idea that maybe some of those years were built on pain or fear.

I say this because I’ve been there

In 2014, I ended an engagement six months before the wedding. Everything had been planned. The invitations were sent. I was 35 at the time and felt like a failure.

But, deep down, I knew something wasn’t right. I didn’t feel safe in the relationship. I had lost my voice and didn’t trust myself but that breakup resulted in the deepest healing journey of my life.

One of the hardest things I had to accept was that I didn’t know how to love myself. I didn’t know how to identify or communicate my needs.

I was trying to control relationships because I felt powerless inside. I had to learn to sit with hard emotions. I had to stop blaming myself for everything and stop rescuing others to feel worthy.

Letting go wasn’t just a decision, it became a daily practice.

I started catching the thoughts that told me I wasn’t enough, I started giving myself the permission to feel sad or angry without trying to “fix” it. It was always asking myself, “What is this pain trying to teach me?” instead of running from it.

And I’ve seen how this shift changes everything.

For instance, I worked with a woman who believed she’d never be out of debt. She had deep beliefs that she’d always struggle and had been stuck in a pattern.  We worked together to shift those thoughts, set boundaries, and reconnect with what she truly wanted.

Not only did she pay off her debt, she also started making decisions with peace instead of fear. She began to see herself differently and that changed how she approached everything.

So what does letting go look like in real life?

It’s less about a big emotional breakthrough and more about steady changes.

You start speaking up instead of staying silent.

You stop assuming people should read your mind.

You begin choosing calm instead of chaos.

You stop seeing every mistake as a reason to feel ashamed.

You handle conflict without falling apart.

You stop being triggered by the same things.

You feel more open. More honest. More you.

If you’re wondering where to begin, start here:

Ask yourself a question like, Would I date myself right now?

If the answer is no, get curious, not critical. What would need to change for that answer to be yes?

You can also try journaling with prompts like:

What stories about myself am I still carrying? Is it that somebody is better than me?

What pain am I afraid to let go of?

What belief has kept me stuck, and what could I believe instead?

The key is to notice the emotions that show up daily and how best you can reframe it.

Letting go isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about taking the lessons and leaving behind the weight. It’s about learning to trust yourself again.

And when you do, everything opens up.

You start attracting people who see you clearly. You stop settling for less than you need. You become more flexible, more compassionate, and more honest.

You no longer feel like you’re performing or pretending. You’re just being yourself.

This is what I want every woman over 50 to know: it’s not too late. You are not too far gone. You haven’t missed your moment. Healing doesn’t have an expiration date.

Starting over doesn’t mean starting from scratch. It means starting again but this time with strength.

And if you could only do one thing today? Ask yourself what you’re still holding onto and whether it’s worth carrying into this next, beautiful chapter of your life.

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